#she would do one super nice cool thing for me but when i can't reciprocate because im fucking broke she'd be upset that she was

[traumagenica]

.

[iceunhie]

— phaethetically in love !

premise. belle thinks her brother is the most oblivious person in sixth street. the reason? one: because his (super obvious) crush on you is practically the worst kept secret in new eridu, and two: because he can't even see that said crush is reciprocated! good thing he has one (1) amazing, wonderful, nosy sister to help him out, yeah?

or, belle thinks the two of you are a prime example of an s tier romance movie; and she really wants to skip to the final arc already.

pairing. wise x gn!reader.

warnings: kinda ooc wise (i just started the game), wise is a loser (lovingly), belle is an instigator (proudly), comedy, facepalm moments.

a/n: for @vxnuslogy and @milksnake-tea bc yes wise kissers yes

MY (rlly cool btw 🥺) MASTERLIST || INBOX !

“you're in love with [name], aren't you?”

like all siblings in the world—or what's left of it, belle schemes.

(against wise, of course. obviously.)

her brother bursts into a mess immediately, nearly spilling his cup ramen all over his new shirt, chopsticks sticking out. laughing nervously. general chop would not be proud. “who told you that? i mean— haha, who said that, belle?”

his sister rolls her eyes. “me, myself. i.” she emphasizes, leaning her elbows against the table and putting her palms together; the grin she wears right now is so serene, but not in the angelic, nice way. belle smiles and wise finally thinks, oh. my sister may need to book herself to the closest self-help guru in new eridu.

“i have reason to believe that you, my dearest brother, are in love with [name].”

her voice goes up an octave at the last bit, leading wise to stuff her mouth with potato chips. already, heads have turned. “mff.”

“keep your voice down! and stop broadcasting it to everyone here-”

“what, i am right, aren't i? they clearly like you back, so why haven't you confessed yet?”

“keep. your. voice. down.” wise says, and belle's shit eating grin only widens as she sees her brother's ears tinged with pink. “and... how did you even know that?” he asks, mortified.

“well, one: because it's obvious—like, have you seen how obvious you are?” belle huffs, taking a bite of the potato chip with force (personal grudges are involved). “and two, because they like you back, dummy!”

because when belle sees the two of you together, it's like wise focuses on no one else. you are the center of his world—and he is just being pulled to bask in your light. his eyes soften like they melt only for you, and wise looks like all he is is, all he wants to be, is to belong with you.

(and, wise likes to stare at you for ungodly amounts of time. belle even caught him staring when you were petting a cat by the street and decided to name the stray ‘wise’; courtesy of him, apparently. the cat literally just had grey fur.

“wise.”

“hm?”

“you're practically spawning heart eyes now.”)

it's sickening. (in a oh my god my brother is in love kind of way, mind you.)

“so!” belle says, a devilish sparkle in her eyes. “allow your dearest sister to help you out, 'kay?”

wise nearly coughs up blood.

“what?!”

so at present, belle compiles her (hastily written) list of romantic moments you and wise have shared. she's not surprised—the number can be counted on one hand. diabolical, disappointing, world-ending! she resists the urge to cough up blood.

first, a coff cafe date with tin man's help: a fail. tin man's wingman capabilities were very superb, but she never heard the end of it when wise was lecturing her about how tin man kept sending over heart shaped desserts and little fortune cookies. the fortune cookies in question which said ‘you can do it!’ and a latte with art of caricature tin man making a heart. (you were very confused). belle thought it was motivating. wise thought it was mortifying.

next, even instilling help from fairy to calculate statistics about what event would you two be likely to be together. fairy said, and belle quotes: “probably never. that kind of pining's for the long run, with the other master's current experience. give it a year or six, master.”

so, she's currently face-palming.

did her brother really have zero game? why were the two of you just dancing around each other?! she's tried everything—from letting you two spend more time with each other in commissions, her inviting you over more to leave you to chat with her brother, and even the entirety of sixth street has lent their aid! how were you two not dating yet?!

“didn't they go on an arcade date at random play yesterday?” belle mutters. “that should've increased your progress by a long mile, bro! even general chop said you two were really, really close in the noodle shop....”

just what was she going to do now? at this rate, her brother would be relationshipless in no time! in fairy's words again, it would be phaethetic. and that would be a phaethal blow on her pride.

“...master, i said no such thing.”

“well, now you did.”

“The Ethereal Reckoning,” there's a pep in your step, the boxes full of movie DVDs in your arms as you walk back to the movie store. it was heavy, but at least you got to walk with the grey-haired proxy beside you. “That movie was great! Thanks for recommending it to me.”

Sporting a dopey, lovesick grin in response, wise nods at that, content to listen to your voice. it was actually belle's idea to let you lend movies you like over so the two of you could talk about it back and forth. wise would need to (begrudgingly) treat her to a bowl of ramen later on.... she saved him—he probably wouldn't even be talking to you for this long at this point, let alone hang out with you without her. for someone so nosy, he guesses his sister was a pretty good wingwoman.

“the main character was pretty similar to billy, you know?” you ramble on as wise listens. “i mean, because they were an android too, and...”

he finds that he's content to listen to anything you say, really. (right now he doesn't really know what you're saying, something about a horror ethereal movie, but you could just tell him anything and he would listen).

“i feel like the heroine's death was unnecessary, though.” you sigh, “too much tension just for it to end like that? how anticlimactic.”

your voice was so nice, so warm and easy to listen to, and wise can't even say anything to retort, simply staring with a growing (lovesick) smile on his face. talking to people was hard work, and talking to you? it might just make him combust.

“...ise? wise?”

“ah, huh?” he snaps out of his trance, only to find you mere inches away from his face, the only thing keeping you apart the boxes full of movies he's carrying. “...!”

“are you listening?” you furrow, and someone really might be out to get him right now because in that moment, wise flinches from the proximity, bumping into you.

then, because the universe thinks his life couldn't get more dramatic than it already was—you stagger, about to fall forward.

he moves before he thinks. “watch out!”

and wise.... practically astral-projects to another plane when he feels you fall into his arms, his hands on your waist. he can feel the warmth of your skin on his, the flustered look on your face. (he feels like he's going to die).

the two of you lock eyes for a moment, and wise feels like he's about to so something very stupid and his hands are still on your waist—

“....”

“.....”

someone save him.

“ah...”

“sorry!” you recover first, hurriedly letting yourself pull away from him (much to his disappointment). “i wasn't looking, and i- are you okay, wise?”

“no, no, it's fine.... i-i'm fine....” he hopes his voice isn't as small as it is, he couldn't be smooth to save his life; and wise helps you gather your bearings, his hands brushing against yours, blood rushing to his ears. sheepishly rubbing at his nape. “sorry, i was distracted.”

perhaps in the mood to lift the atmosphere, you sputter out, “no worries! it's fine! besides, you listened to me all this time.... i really enjoyed the movie, really.”

“of course i'll listen.” and before wise can think to stop his traitor of a mouth, the words spill out of his lips like it always wanted to be.

“you're worth paying attention to.”

it's automatic—your face heats up, warming like the sun on a hot day in new eridu, and god, he is such an idiot-

“you think so?” wise gulps. you looked bashful, and were way too adorable right now, and his face felt like it was on fire.... wait, that's not the point! he has to answer you, at least. this is a chance to make progress!

“y-yeah. definitely. i enjoyed... watching the movie with you.” he says. did his voice just crack just now? “we can hang out more often too, even without belle.”

he feels bad for throwing his sister under the bus like that, but—wait, did he just ask you out on a date? (accidentally)

well, it didn't matter because wise feels like he won the lottery right now, because you brighten up immediately. “really?”

then you cough and compose yourself. “i mean, sure! i'm sure it'll be fun, haha...”

awkward silence ensues. uh oh, did he say something wrong? was he too forward? he wants to say something, but something is lodged in his throat, and wise can't bring up a response. (his heart was beating like crazy right now, though).

“uh...”

“....”

then, something soft brushes against the side of his cheek. as fast as it was felt, wise felt the sensation leave just as easily. did you just-?

you just kissed him. on the cheek.

“thanks for hanging out with me, wise.”

“you're welcome- wha- huh?!” he nearly drops the stack of dvd's he was holding. you pull away, an enigmatic smile on your face. face flushed.

before he can even respond, the two of you finally arrive at the movie store. damn it, gods of the world. why did his luck run out now?

“i guess this is your stop.” he blinks, your voice coming back to him. “and, wise?”

“ah, uh, yeah?”

“it's a date, then?” your eyes sparkle and shine a light through his heart. super effective!

is this really happening? is he really going on a date with you—oh, he's so thrilled he could actually burst into song and kick his feet, but belle would tease him ruthlessly after. nosy sisters were so much work....

“yes!” he almost yells it out, but because he didn't want to look uncool in front of you, wise composes himself. play it cool, play it cool. don't mess up this chance! “yes, definitely. it's... it's a date.”

you put down the other stack of dvd's down the table, flashing him a dizzying, lovely smile smile. wise swears he falls even harder for you.

“then it's a date.”

BONUS.

“seriously?! you're going on a date with them?!” belle shouts, so unceremoniously that wise slaps a hand on her mouth.

“not so loud! but, yeah.” he says, face heating up. “your plan worked, sis.”

“yes! yes! finally!” his sister practically cheers, “i can finally be free of your sickening heart eyes... and finally, our street's most anticipated couple is here!”

wise can't help but sigh in fond exasperation. he guesses he'll let her have this one today.

“also, belle?”

“what?”

“you didn't tell anyone about this, did you?”

...

“uhh....”

(on the day of the date, wise receives an abnormal amount of good luck posters. he also gets a disturbing amount of thumbs up from the neighbors.

the last straw? tin man, giving him a baked cake with the words ‘rooting for you!’ covered in pink heart sprinkles.

he facepalms. belle...!)

a/n: d d do you guys get it..... phaethetically...... phaethon..... wise is phaethon and he's awkward in love lol hahahahaha (💀)

@ ICEUNHIE: do not repost translate or plagiarize my works.

[acceptingmyowncompany]

I must relieve the pressure from my mind brain. It doesnt stop going. is everything anxiety?! if so, that fucking sucks man. what do I do about it?! its not just physical. its mental, and mentally I know no peace. I just keep thinking about the future. Thinking about everything I have to look forward to and all the ways it plays out. sometimes good sometimes bad. I think about the girl and all the ways we can be cute and couple together, but then im reminded that she's delaying talking to me. it takes me back to 2019. it makes me thing maybe im tripping. maybe im too invested. maybe she's decided she doesnt see this becoming anything and its purely platonic. thats okay. it just would suck to be this invested for nothing. I have no one to talk to about it. I used to talk to Henle about this stuff, he's gone now. passive suicide. it makes me sad all over again. the thought that again it got so bad for him that he either tried to kill himself or he was trying to numb it so much that he ended up killing himself. super upsetting. I miss my guy. and I wish I was there for him better. but I can't live with that thought. the only person effected by that line of thinking is me. so what's the point. what can I learn. dont wait. show up for others while you can and when you can. gratitude. be grateful for the moments. have an impact where you can. but man I just hope he knows how hard this life thing is without him man. I really did lean on my guy so much. maybe thats why I feel so bad. he probably needed people to lean on and sure, he didnt choose to lean, we couldve still extended better. I shouldn't say we. EYE couldve. but yes, maybe she doesnt like me. and thats cool. but I dont wanna like her if she doesnt like me. I know thats now how this shit works, but it just doesnt feel productive or good. to do so. its nice to have a crush again. its fun. it was excited, but it sucks to not be reciprocated. to wait. to feel like you're running in place. I wish we could talk more consistently. maybe somewhere other than instagram. I wish we could talk on the phone. I could hear her laugh and she could make me laugh. REAL CHEMISTRY. I think about a time where we have that. real chemistry. good chemistry. cute moments and conversations. but what if that never happens. what if she's not into me at all. then im being delusional for no fucking reason. maybe thats okay. idk humiliation. embarrassment. 2019. all those things. its much more mentally taxing than id like. I need an indication that we still good, or again a reset. a clean slate to restart. Just to stop yearning you know?! And then Texas. I'm making strides but man am I anxious about the whole thing. the idea of being out there. having to talk to all these people. people I dont know. people who are better than me. more adult than me. more successful than me. a turtle. I hide. in my uncomfortable clothes. feeling self conscious about my appearance. feeling self conscious about anything I could possibly talk about. having nothing to offer. feel like its gonna be the longest 4 days of my life. 3 days. whatever it is. sitting there, with enough money but not wanting to spend it. eating the cheapest. this is the only trip. and then thinking about trips next year. thinking about tattoos. all these cool plans and I can't even get a job. Idk what job I want. what job doesnt make my stomach turn while reading it . idk what there is for me out there but it feels like nothing. and I think and think and think and think about all this all fucking day and its only 8 something. and I just want to turn it off, but then I can't sleep and I struggle and struggle and struggle to sleep. theres no peace. NO PEACE. I CANT TURN IT OFF. I CANT FEEL OKAY. I JUST NEED TO FEEL OKAY. I NEED CLOSENESS. I NEED FUN. I NEED TO FEEL SOMETHING AND THERES NOTHING FOR ME. It's an exhausting existence.

[spoonsbutbetter]

Rant about your gf

I saw you added her to your interests?

literally where do i start?????

this gives me a huge excuse to post an open love letter to my girlfriend and this is so exciting for me.

okay, first of all, i love her so very much. i have for the last almost nine years, and i will continue to for the foreseeable future. we grew up together, we became best friends and then dated in middle school (i loved her even before we started dating, she was a pretty cool middle schooler when i was a middle schooler, tbh). we share so many interests (she got me into, like, a large number of the things i am super interested in), and she TELLS ME ALL ABOUT HER INTERESTS

guys you don't get it. my girlfriend???? talking to me???? about what she loves to watch or read????? i am obsessed with it. she is so passionate and intelligent, and she analyzes things SO HARD. it's fun listening to her put the pieces of something together when she's coming up with theories for a show i've never watched. she has so much to say and it brings me so much joy because i don't have a lot to say about things when i speak to other people, so it's really great to have her to talk to me. i love listening to her speak. also, she just has a nice voice. like, it's not one someone would fall asleep to, but she's so expressive and knowledgable. also, i love when my girlfriend reads to me, related to this point, because she will tell me all her thoughts about a given passage we've read. it's so good. and she is such a good narrator (for lack of a better term).

i cannot stress how knowledgeable and intelligent she is. like, it's crazy to me. she knows so much and consumes so much media and is able to tell me all about it. GOD it's so great.

ALSO we've always been able to have REALLY REALLY great conversations. i am always so entertained when we talk and we can talk about anything ever, which is beautiful.

AND SHE'S SO CUTE WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT THINGS AND EXISTS AND LOOKS AT ME AND COMPLIMENTS ME AND READS TO ME. i am totally chill about her!

NOT ONLY THAT BUT she is so very sweet. i am constantly in awe of how kind and genuine she is all the time. she treats everyone with such a high level of respect and love. i try to do the same, but she is so incredible at it. she finds a way to be both super into her own interests while also supporting me in mine. she is constantly affirming me (as i am her) and complimenting me, and i appreciate it so deeply (and try to reciprocate as much as i can). she knows how to compliment me so i'm just blushing and insane. it's so great.

she impresses me all the time and idk if i express it enough to her. she is such a cool person and she has so many excellent skills. she's so goofy, effortlessly funny, and i want to spend all my time with her. i've always wanted to spend all my time with her. she's the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life, and it has been that way for the whole time we've known each other.

big fan of my girlfriend

big HUGE fan of her

also our families want us to marry each other. our moms are rooting for us, it's really silly. we've loved each other long enough and hard enough that our families, even if it's just subconsciously, know that we are endgame :D

she's so pretty and lovely and i love kissing her and i get to see her soon (we are long distance)!! i am so very grateful for her. i'm so grateful for how much time we've known each other. she's such an excellent human being!!!!!!

i can't wait until i can see her (a couple weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[joy2paris]

One month in Paris has passed! Here are some summaries of the past two weeks...

I am writing this retrospectively on the 6/10/23.

TW: Another long post and I feel I repeat myself a lot. We get it, you like the fact people eat outside etc and you are realising law in such a direct way is not for you.

24/9/23 -

Today I went to a sunset boat rooftop event along the Seine with my German friend A, some Brazilian girls I had met in my language lessons and their male friend I had met that day. Interestingly, men cannot go into a lot of clubs/events with only men in their group in Paris; they have to be accompanied by women (naively, I thought this was to prevent men going in the club with ulterior motives towards women, but now know it is to ensure there is a good ratio of women to men - so there is enough women for the men *sigh*). The atmosphere of the place was really nice, especially when the sun was setting. Although the weather here is not that dissimilar to England, it is usually always a few degrees warmer. I have heard it can really get cold in winter though. However, to my immense happiness, the air is always much brighter and lighter here. I used to think I hated winter. I do prefer the heat to cold, however what bugs me about winter is the depressing greyness we get. If it is cold but sunny, I can't be that sad!

I only had one drink but it was strongggg. The girls were already a bit waved but A and I were more sober. It was super packed which was a bit annoying and the music was fine but a bit repetitive. It was nice as always to chat with A. I feel like we are super like minded - we were talking about how we both know when we just don't really click with someone pretty early on etc. Real recognise real is such a true statement! When I got back, the airbnb host's son picked me up from the station which was really sweet of him and made sure I was on the inside of the pavement. When we had previously gone out, I was telling him about what it means to be "G checked" in London. The Paris equivalent is "savez-vous", so despite it being a safe area, he was saying how he was protecting me from any potential "savez-vous". We met his cousin when we got back and decided to go out on a walk altogether for some food. We just went to their local bossman place - I was just laughing to myself in my head that I was in this situation. It just felt so fun to placed in this very authentic french scenario. The son forced bossman to only speak to me in french and they were jokingly teasing me about me being British, so for the first time ever bossman was speaking in English, "just for me".

25th -

I have also been really trying with my hair and outfits which I feel has also impacted my mindset and how I am seeing myself. Everyone at this uni has very cool style, as does most of the young people across the city. It has been fun doing this and I am excited to develop my style further here to match how it is in my head. The flea markets and vintage stores look insane (however, this is if my financial situation allows it. Not going to lie, it is looking sticky funds wise). When you look good you feel good inside!

A random 70 year old tried to take me out for coffee this day. He sat on the bench I was on, in a lovely park near one of my university buildings this day... it was a bit weird. I was scared he would follow me till I realised there was no way he would have been able to catch up with me if I started to run, haha. I went to see A in her studio and we had raclette! This was my first time so I was super excited. I felt so calm and it was so wholesome playing music together and chopping food. What a lovely food tradition; I love its slow process, which enables you to mutually make your food together and catch up as you go through the motions of making it. She was hilariously telling me about how her and her boyfriend became a thing and the time she kissed him and it felt like kissing a doll, as in that moment he wasn't reciprocating it (the next day he did). I love when a friendship is developing more and you start to learn more about one another and make more jokes. I have said it before but I will say it again - I love all the German girls I have met so far. Most just really have their heads screwed on; they know what they like and don't like; they are open about how they appreciate your company, they are genuine and funny. Just super real! I haven't seen A since this day as she was going to Italy for a bit to see her family :(

On the way back, this guy was asking me for directions but I aired him because I didn't realise he was speaking to me at first, and I thought he was just trying to bug me. I also saw somewhere that said it is most likely a man will ask another man for directions over a woman, so I was cautious. However, in my peripheral I saw him ask another man for directions before he asked me for a second time. So, I tried to help, but of course I am still new to the area. Anyway, then he proceeded to ask me my name and all these questions, whether I was married and if my (fake) boyfriend lived in France. So I just had to act super cold, stared forward and sped off at my stop at the very last second.

Spoke to the airbnb son later that night about my first raclette experience and we upheld our spontaneous night time tea drinking sessions where we catch up about our days and get to know each other more.

26th -

I had lunch with German girls F and V. We went to the lovely park near my uni. There is a stretch of really nice places to eat food nearby so we all grabbed something. One of the things I really like about them is that they both have similar limited levels of French to me. Despite this, they always try in shops and truly want to improve on their ability. It had been a week since I last saw them so we were just catching up on everything. I feel super comfortable around them and it was fun to laugh altogether. I was telling them about how this recent guy I kind of liked just did a really smelly poo and it put me off a bit, even though that is a natural human activity. F was going on a date later that night which happened to be a yoga date, and one of her icks is guys in sportswear, especially tight sportswear, so we were all excited to hear how the night would go for her.

I went to see Oppenheimer with the son in the cinema later that evening. The airbnb place is so far away and for some reason this day the metro line back to our place wasn't running, so we took a long tram route and then walked for about an hour towards the end. The time flew though; we were just chatting and laughing about anything and everything! He was explaining to me the vibes of all the different metro lines; which ones to avoid and which ones are decent. He taught me this French slang word - "hezzi", which he used to describe a lot of the metro lines I should avoid. We got some KFC and he was astounded that I said I preferred UK Mcdonald's (Paris one is definitely better than other French ones I have had, but I can't betray the beauty that is Waterloo Mcdonald's - bae, I miss you). The son is also a musician, and quite a big one here in France. We have very similar music taste, so it has been really fun to chat about that and share songs with each other. I just also really appreciate him taking me under his wing like this.

27th -

I saw this Canadian 26 year old I had made friends with the previous week on my way into the lecture, so it was nice to sit with her. We got the metro back together and its always fun to explore the differences between cultures. It is especially interesting for me to hear about America (she went to college there) as that place is still not real in my mind as I have never been. I am so fascinated by the roommate situation and luckily she said she got on really well with hers. Also interesting that this campus lifestyle is very much an English speaking country thing - most universities, if not all in Europe, are not campus based at all. Particularly European cities.

I was heading to a met Gala themed r&b cruise party later that day which I was dreading a bit. This was stupid, as I was the one who shared the event with people - but in that moment I just wanted to be a homebody. My route home was looking very long as metros were stopping after 11pm back to my area for some reason. The music at the event was really good and the demographic was a bit more mid-20s-30s (which is what I expected) - it was nice to be with non-students I guess. Every time we went under a bridge, everyone clapped and it felt so fun vibing on a fast-paced boat with the Eiffel Tower sparkling behind. I love how people in Paris really go for it when they dance. A lot of the times in the UK you will just have wall-huggers everywhere (not always, but it feels more of a common way of being than I have experienced here so far).

29th -

I had french lessons again (I enjoy them the most out of my lectures. My teacher is funny and sweet and I like the people in the class) and sat in a park afterwards journaling to myself whilst blasting Natanya's new EP which is nothing short of perfection. She is a superstar. I just felt very calm and assured.

My dad was arriving this day to spend the weekend here and help me move into my studio. It was a pure coincidence that his hotel he booked was on my future road! We laughed with the hotel staff and then headed to Guadeloupean Zinga restaurant. The waiter was very leng and the music was amazing. I will never get over the atmosphere of the sitting outside Parisian culture. Afterwards, we went to Jah Jah Studios. Super cool couple who run a creative studio space as well as an Afro vegan restaurant. The studio was having a collaboration with Salamon shoes. Everyone in the place was super cool, as is my dad . I love how he just makes connections wherever he goes. It was cool to hear about how his current exhibition which has just launched was going. As it is just the beginning, he was super busy with all of that. However, sometimes I feel like I did not have his full attention. He is constantly, CONSTANTLY plugged into work mode. But he always has been, and I also just love undivided attention from someone so that is probably why it bugged me a bit haha. Nonetheless, a really cool and exciting evening.

30th -

We had pastries at this local boulangerie and then we went to get his new trainers by Salomon at Jah Jah after we saw them yesterday. He connected with the owner of the studio and got to speak to him about his exhibition and they got pictures together. Another woman who worked at the store was also there, and we got to chatting as Dad spoke to the Jah Jah owner. She was super sweet, welcoming and inquisitive. She is Canadian, I believe from Montreal and moved to Paris recently. So, she was expressing to me that she understands the experience of moving here alone. She mentioned this cafe she is often at and welcomed me to come and talked about it as a great creative space and for meeting people. I am so appreciative of people like this. She asked me what design work I do - once again this affirmed/made me yearn back to when I did foundation and that for me this is the sphere I truly feel a calling with over law.

We went to Dad's favourite store in Paris - Merci. It was super cool; kind of almost like an art exhibition and they had some funky homeware stuff and cool clothes. We went to this pizza place for lunch which was nice. This was all in the Le Marais area. I will never get over the joy of eating outside when its super hot. His friend who owns this cool place in Paris, Marché Noir, came and joined us for a bit. We went to go and check out his store and they caught up. Then, we headed to Louvre area and had a coffee with one of Dad's super famous friends. He is this 74 year old french photographer and music video director. He has done stuff with Madonna, David Bowie, Prince, shot the posters for La Haine.... the list goes on. I don't think I realised the significance of him and his work till after haha. Despite his critically acclaimed status and insane wealth, he was humble and inquisitive about me and what I am up to, my opinions on different issues we discussed over our drink. Dad's other friend who also knows him came and joined us - she is a singer and we met her this summer in Kingston, Jamaica very randomly. Again, it felt really wrong in that moment when they asked me what I studied, and I had to say "Law". As you know, this is not my actual degree (English and Philosophy). Although my law programme here is not necessarily reflective of how every law degree would be, all I can say is that I really felt much more of a connection to my old creative roots. I have very briefly considered doing a law conversion course, though I feel I only entertained that idea in a worry that the things I am interested in were too unstable income wise. The parts and skills of law I feel I already receive from my philosophy degree - paying attention to details, aiming for what is right and just, making sure you are clear about your intentions, working out the specific conditions of a certain issue or idea. However, philosophy holds this debate aspect which I haven't experienced here, which I miss. It is kind of refreshing in a way that I am experiencing something I am not particularly enjoying studying for the first time - it makes you realise what you do enjoy and affirm things you already knew you enjoyed when you have seen the other side.

Later that evening, I headed back to my airbnb for my final night there :( it is crazy to think that at first I was annoyed by the inconvenience of having to move their first, instead of heading straight to my central studio. In hindsight, that would have probably felt way more daunting and lonely as my initial introduction into Paris living. What a special and welcoming family. This mother and son are types of people that you never forget. The son was eating some Senagalese food and shared it with me; it was this amazing beef stew, plaintain and these fried potato type things. My eyes widened when I had the stew, it was beautiful. He asked me which part was my favourite out of the "fried banana" and the potato thing, without knowing that I have plaintain a lot probably. We had a funny moment where I was cringing over the time I saw him last - the wind had shut the kitchen door really hard, to which he joked and asked if I was angry. So, he then in that moment just asked me what I do when I am angry. So I did my funny stomping the floor thing which I do when I am fake angry.

1/10/23 -

I received the sweetest message from my airbnb host mum. She had arrived very early that morning from a flight for work so was super tired. So, I couldn't say a proper goodbye :( however it will not be the last time I see her, I will make sure of that. Dad came and met me and we got an uber to my new place! I cleverly told him to come too early because I KNEW he would be late. My landlord was a sweetie pie which was really reassuring - student landlords in the UK are known for not being the nicest. Super money hungry and no care for us as tenants. So naturally, I was worried about how this man would be, especially as a non-French speaker and living alone. It was kind of funny because when we met him, we all greeted in French and then he began speaking more in French about how to access the door, etc. Dad and I asked if he could speak english (I knew he would have done as I had found my place through an English site) and he laughed and was confused because all my emails to him were in French. One friend told me that she only got replies back when she wrote in French, so I just wanted to be polite. Funnily enough, he lives in London very near to us. He just had a calm presence and just chill, not uptight or anything. He even suggested to my dad for them to go for a coffee back in London.

The way my studio looked in real life was quite different to the pictures, as apparently the previous tenant had completely trashed the place. I preferred the old decor and furniture, but nonetheless I am just grateful to have somewhere. We half unpacked and then headed to Musée de Quai Branley after getting lunch nearby. It proper felt like summer, even though October had just started. On the first Sunday of every month in Paris, every exhibition is free (most are free for me all year round as a student which is amazing!) We saw Kehinde Wiley's current exhibition where he carried out a series of portraitures of all of the presidents of African countries. Fairly controversial I guess - Dad sent some of the photos he took of the differing presidents to people he knew was from those countries and it was interesting to see what they said about how they felt about these different leaders. Nonetheless, the scale of the portraits were impressive and I have always loved Wiley's use of light. He makes his figures really glow.

There was also an adjacent exhibition on Bollywood Superstars on the history of Indian cinema. My only previous association with this genre is very loose. Not even remotely related, but the closest films I have seen relating to Bollywood cinema are Slumdog Millionaire and Bend It Like Beckham. Therefore, it was really fascinating to see something which I had very little prior knowledge about. There was a lot of use of mythology and shadow puppetry. Dance and music has always been key in this genre and I loved the initial instillation with these electric tea lights and the projection of some of the most beautiful Indian weddings that happened in different films. Before going into both these exhibitions, there was a live Bollywood dance happening outside which was really exciting to watch. I always love live dance shows and impromptu ones are always fun to witness.

That evening we went for dinner at this really bougie and delish restaurant in the 3rd: Le Petit Marché. We went with Dad's other friend who is this designer here for Paris Fashion Week. His sales assistant and intern were there too, and the intern was 22 so was really nice to chat to someone my age ish and laugh about stuff. The designer was lovely - the last time he saw me I must have been a baby. He was super eccentric and comical haha, love it. I had this steak and the intern and I were joking about how we had matured because we both like medium rare now! (younger Luka would be disgusted at this). The mash was out of this world; as was the pudding. The place had a really nice atmosphere (as have all of the places I have been to to eat and drink here). He asked me if I wanted to get into the fashion industry, as did Dad's other friend yesterday. Once again, this dinner made me really feel a yearning for that creative industry.

2nd -

There was a man playing "La Vie en Rose" on the trumpet as we walked back from seeing the designer's showroom :) The showroom was open for a couple days for Paris Fashion Week. Then we headed to Jah Jah Paris, the Afro vegan food place with amazing food and amazing music. Very much mine and Dad's kind of vibe. I felt pretty exhausted this day and a bit PMSy. Dad left mid afternoon to head back to London and I spent my first day in the studio alone! It definitely felt really surreal and weird - my first time ever living alone and having my own bathroom. I think the idea of just being in this space that is totally mine was quite daunting. However, I spent the evening face-timing all my closest home friends from London which was super super lovely and comforting. It was so nice to just laugh and connect with people who know you well and update each other on what has been going on in each other's lives.

3rd -

I went all the way into university this day but the lecture was cancelled and we had no idea. Frustrating but, there was nothing I could control so I chose to just move on with the situation. It was nice to see the Midland's university lot who are here briefly. That evening I met with a girl who lives on my new road, who I had met a few weeks prior at an international student picnic. She also happened to go to my primary school which was a crazy coincidence (but left when she was 8, so I had not seen her for years or really remembered her). We got some French Canadian food which was alright. Nothing special - the waiter was really sweet though. Literally the opposite of rude? Honestly, the way people fearmongered me about the French rudeness was so overstated. No one is perfect, but truly, most of the natives I have encountered have not even just not been rude, but really sweet, apologetic and spark conversation! I have really enjoyed connecting with people from all over the world, but it was also really nice to speak to a native English person; especially someone I would naturally be friends with. She's super chill and we laughed a lot; there was a funny moment where we were talking about all the crazy stuff we have encountered in our UK universities. So much had happened to the point where I had mentioned at one point that I had "dodged a bullet", and for a second she genuinely thought I had dodged a real bullet!!! We got a drink after at this cute bar and sat outside and shared the difficulties of French admin and potential love interests. The barmaid was really nice and recommended me these different rums and complimented my friend's perfume.

4th -

The lecture this day was ALSO cancelled...

At least everyone was in the same boat and we all bonded and sighed over the disorganisation (plus, it is not like I have not experienced extensive striking at my time in my Midlands university). I kind of made friends with another french person! We exchanged socials and she offered to send me the correct timetable for the class. The travel into uni wasn't wasted as a 26 year old Canadian girl I had made friends with from this lecture had asked me the night before if I wanted to go for lunch after class. So, we just headed their earlier than we had planned.

We walked to this French/Lebanese type place and had a really lovely conversation. It's really fun making friends with people of different ages too - I used to think I could only really connect with people my exact age, but it is refreshing to interact with different ages. She was born and raised in Hong Kong, but went to a very British influenced international school (they had headboys and headgirls) - and then went to an American university. I find the fact the have to share a bedroom so fascinating and weird, and also I love how flexible their university curriculum can be. I like how they emphasise students to continue a range of subjects even in further studies i.e. having majors and minors. Also, my friend here essentially created her own degree of Humanitarianism. It's cool how they get that much flexibility. Was super interesting hearing her talk about her niche module of anti-trafficking saviour complexes. She also asked me about what kind of philosophy I studied back in the UK and I shared my fears of ageing. She joked, saying, "coming from the 21 year old", and talked to me about how everyone she knew at her age was at such completely different stages of life. The feeling that it is really okay to not have it figured out and it is okay to change your mind. We spoke about other stuff too but the topics are slipping out of my mind :( I just remember it being a really genuine and interesting conversation. She spoke about her experience of international school and how coming to university made her realise how unique it was. I asked her a lot about American culture.

Finished the last episode of the new Sex Education season that day. This season was kind of disappointing as I used to really love this show. I think it is really difficult to match up to the greatness of other seasons in the context of really good series. However, as per usual, Ncuti Gatwa killed it. He embodies his character Eric so so so well, it makes me emotional.

5th -

I had a lecture in the afternoon this day but had planned to meet with this girl who I had got on well with in my french language lessons. Sadly though, I was kind of harassed on the metro on the way to see her which shook me up a bit. It was nothing extreme, but this man was prodding me and towered over me before getting on the train and said something to me - I just sped walked to another carriage before the doors closed and hoped he wasn't getting off at the same stop as me. It just made me feel vulnerable and scared. The time with this friend was super lovely though. She is also German. I need to make a trip to Germany very soon, because I love everyone from there? I feel like her and I are super like minded (which is a common trait with these Germans I have met). We talked about knowing the kinds of people we know we value/get on with very early on. She sweetly said that she felt a good vibe from me, and said sorry if that was weird, but I agreed with her, I also felt the same way! I talked about how the lectures here were not too difficult, therefore will feel weird when I go back to the Midlands next year and have to do intense work. But she reminded me that we are being stimulated and challenged in many other aspects here, like making a life out here, being exposed to a language we don't know. Like me, she doesn't know French too well but is taking some courses in French. Although she does not understand a lot, already being here she has realised, okay, I am not so afraid of it now! And that it is okay that I do not know every single word. This is so true and so reassuring to hear and feel. That was the main thing I was scared about before coming - but being here, as long as I try, people are appreciative and it is so refreshing to feel comfortable within myself with not being good at something straight away and learning as I go along.

6th -

I had french lessons again today and we did fun tongue twisters from our countries. This new spanish guy had joined our class who was super sweet. I had lunch with him and this Italian girl who I have had lunch with before. Next week we will try and cycle to our next class together. I told him how I had seen Dora the Explorer and Money Heist loool. There is a girl from Finland who I really want to speak to in my french class and my Codifications lecture. Next time I see her I will strike up a convo!

7th -

I went to a gallery with another German friend, F. I really love spending time with her and it is nice now because we have seen each other quite a few times, the bond is getting stronger and we can joke about more stuff. She is really funny haha. We went to a gallery in Bourse de Commerce - the Pinault Collection. We saw the Mira Schor "Moon Room", Ser Serpas' "J'ai Peur" (I fear) and marvelled at the architecture of the building which is by this Japanese architect Tadao Ando. Serpas' fear room definitely evoked this eerie aura. I feel there could have been more experimentation with sound to ham up this aura even more. The architecture was very mesmerising from a scale perspective. It was quite cold and modern which was jaunty against the detailed, vintage painting which spanned the panoramic expanse of the building. However, F and I were saying the design of the building did not really lend itself to efficiency. There was a lot of empty space that could have been utilised for even more exhibitions/spaces. Schor's work was my favourite. I loved these dress designs she had that were placed in these flat glass frames, almost like they were flower pressed into these cabinets. It created these really unusual sllhouettes. She had also created these face masks that were produced with handwritten diary entries and other materials. Again, they were placed in these glass cabinets, meaning that you could look at the masks from two different angles - it was interesting to see they were they differed depending on which angle you were looking from.

She gave me hilarious updates on the yoga date she had with the guy she is seeing and gave me some really good advice and perspective about a current guy for me which was really helpful haha.

We travelled to atmospheric Montmartre to see our other friend V who brought her friend from home who was super lovely. In their opinion, Munich is better than Berlin! Then F and I went for some Italian and that convo was really nice. She is super wise and strong willed. I believe it is a universal experience that all year abroad students experience a plethora of trials and tribulations before embarking on their trip. She had done a semester in California and was telling me about a woman she had to sublet from and the difficulties of that. She has a really strong love for yoga and has officially booked plane tickets to travel to India to complete a yoga instructor course there in February! So cool. We spoke about the potential success of a yoga therapy type thing (she did a psychology degree so we spoke about that and my experience with that in Sixth Form and what I know from my mum as a therapist).

8th -

I travelled to Giverny with an international student group. I had a lot of expectations for the day - Monet's gardens did not disappoint at all, nor did his beautiful house or paintings. It was a really serene and exquisite place. But, I was with one girl for 10 hours straight - I am not exaggerating. Although she was really lovely, I was EXHAUSTED from our conversations, to the point where she said I was super chill. I think I am a chill person but I don't know if it is the first word that would come to my friend's minds if they were to describe me. But it was the extreme fatigue that made me come across like this. I was hoping to speak to more people in the group but the leader left us all to our own devices so everyone split off which was a bit of a shame.

9th -

My phone died and the charger snapped in half so I had revert to old school methods of writing down my directions on a piece of paper and drawing out a map LOL. This situation truly made me think about how addicted we are to all our phones. That is no new revelation but situations like this really makes you deep it. I practiced how to ask if they had an iphone 13 charger on my translator app before hand. The guy serving me was really nice, asking where I was from and saying that the only place he knows in England is Northampton, so he doesn't really like it haha. Honestly, fair enough because that place is dry. I was telling him about how I was trying to practice french so he taught me what he was saying about the warranty years on the charger and mentioned how he can understand it is a difficult language. So sweet! I went for lunch with a girl who I had met working on a shift with my agency over summer. She is a funny girl and it was a brief but nice convo about how we have been finding Paris so far. She is working instead of studying here which seems like a much more intense experience - I do not envy her.

I attempted to sort more admin stuff but once again! It was proving very difficult. I am quite sick of it now. I managed to sort my electricity bills after being on hold for ages on these French lines.

Writing this retrospectively has taken me ages and since starting it, way more stuff has happened. I need to work on being more succinct, but nostalgia merchant me does not want to leave any ounces of details out - I already cut so much from this. I am going to start adding images so there is a visual aid to all this heavy writing.

[chateautae]

I for duck's sake need help people.....see, I would be very pleased if anyone of you would just help me out....the thing is, I have been in a relationship for like around 3 years and trust me, he is like the most perfect kinda person I have ever met..but now comes the main issue, he has till now, never ever hinted me about doing anything ( the max. we have went is uk till just a little makeout types, ik spoiling my sex life like this sucks but that's why I am going anonymous and I think some of you might have experienced it ig, don't take me wrong, I mean like uk). The good thing is, we both are understanding and extremely working persons (he works as a employee in a business firm and I am a newbie doctor (kinda just started my practice as a doctor)....and even though I am a doctor and that having sex is like a normal thing because we literally studies everything, I still freak out upon thinking about doing it with him....it's not like I am scared or anything but I just want some uk girl tips upon how to actually do it....reading about it is quite, tbh, okay for me, but then doing it is like, a difficult task....i bet you he knows about everything and that's why he hasn't hinted upon anything but like from the past 1 week, he jas been dropping kinda hints ig.....like I won't go into the details, otherwise I would be hella embarrassed, not that I am not right now, I am literally sitting in the washroom typing this ( don't judge me)....while reading about it, it feels so easy to execute everything but then when doing it in real life is like so much like wierd ig....I mean how do I respond to it.....I am nervous and what not.....as 25yo, I sometimes feel wierd that I can't uk do it......can anyone of you just help me please......like some girl tips.....I searched it on Google too, still I don't have the courage.....amd moreover, my friends circle is so wierd amd plus, I am too shy to ask anyone.....ik asking this in such a way and place is way too inappropriate to be even considered normal....it's not like I am not ready for it, it's just I am quite nervous about how to do it.....tbh, he hasn't forced me even once still remained to be sweet and all but internally we noth know, we might wanna step up.....HELP PLZ.....my mom is way too conservative to even have an open conversation about kisses let alone doing it....

Oh hun, you are completely and tOTALLY allowed to come to this blog for any advice and not feel ashamed. This is an 18+ blog and anyone here would be so glad to help you, something like this is totally normal!! I shall leave my words under the cut, though if anyone else would like to help this lovely anon please do not hesitate to drop off a reply or even something in my inbox! I'll answer right away to help anyone wondering the same thing 💓

Alright hun, first and foremost I am so happy your relationship has been so strong! And I'm glad you're with someone who hasn't pushed you or anything into doing anything sexual yet, I'll tell you from experience that can be extremely daunting and uncomfy so I'm super relieved your man has been sweet!!

In terms of real advice, tbh I'm quite the wrong person to go to. I lost my v-card with my first boyfriend when I was 16, literally we were both inexperienced and even the times we did you know, do the deed it was very clumsy and nobody knew what they were doing, and the second person I've been with was a Kiseok situation (if you read maybe I do, yes Kiseok is based on a real person in my life) so fuck that dude. But maybe my own inexperience can also help you out, here are at least some lady tips I can think of:

1. Make sure you're comfortable. I say comfortable instead of ready because I'm quite the believer in if you wait until the moment you're ready, you'll wait your entire life. So my best advice is to make sure you're comfy with the situation and your partner!!

2. Ensure your partner is someone who cares about you. I know everyone's stories are different, and not everyone has sex with someone they've been with for a long time or even love, one night stands are totally okay and I salute you sister. get that dick!!! But even in situations where you're with a stranger, sex is a very intimate thing, and it would make your experience 1000x better if you can at least tell the person cares about you and your body and your wishes during sex. Everyone deserves to be respected during an intimate act like sex and if you feel you're not being respected, whether it's your body, your wishes, your limits, your choices, do not feel obligated to still go through with this person.

3. You have to be wet. Of course not all sexual encounters happen the same way, and every female gets off on different things or turned on by a variety of actions, but essentially you have to be wet for sex. Most men understand this but a lot also don't, basically you gotta get into that juicy foreplay to get wet my girl. Try making out, maybe if you're sitting down swing a leg over his lap and bam you're straddling him. This position is usually optimal because you gain the opportunity to grind against yo man's crotch and my fucking God, does that shit feel hella nice. It's also highkey ego-boosting feeling how much the guy's getting worked up because literally anytime you grind or move over their crotch it immediately spikes to their dick and you can usually feel them against you. If you're standing, try moving to an area that has a wall and keep grabbing at your man's neck, usually men naturally will indicate you to jump and you'll easily be all up against the wall making out, this gets hella fun too cause being carried like that is so 😩

3.2. Okay cool, we're making out, now it's essentially a game of go with the flow. Men usually take the initiative and begin the escalation of things on their own. Maybe he'll start kissing down your neck, his hands are gonna be somewhere at your waist, maybe inching down to your ass or maybe he's an ass guy and he's already palming at yo cheeks. Regardless, I can confidently say you can sit back and relax, let yourself feel, get into the kissing and grinding and if you love the way he's touching you, make some noise and let him know, don't be afraid to be turned on and goddamn horny, dudes love that shit. You however are also allowed to take the wheel, and guys usually search for the greenlight from girls by sensing their movements and how eager they seem for the go-ahead on anything. If maybe you begin tugging at his clothes, they'll usually think "okay, she's okay with this rn" and so on. This part's sincerely just go with the flow, you don't need to rush and honestly the more foreplay the better for getting your puthy wet. Make sure you're comfy and your partner makes sure you're okay with that they're doing to you.

3.3. Whoop dee doo your man's hands are suddenly going, you know, places. Another case of go with the flow, if you're comfortable with your man wanting to do a lil rubby dubby on your kitty then totally let him, this shit feel's god-like I tell you. Maybe I'm just a sensitive ass whore, who knows but something about feeling a man's hands do what your lady fingers can't just HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But essentially from here maybe you wanna reciprocate. Get them pesky pants open and feel your man up. Reach inside those boxers and touch that beast he's hiding inside. Make sure to go nice and slow and your hands aren't rough, men's dick are super sensitive and if you go too hard on at least a dry dick it acc hurts them. Men usually leak pre-cum at their tips so try using some of that to slick up your hand.

3.4. That's handjobbing, now if we're getting into oral, very important things to remember. A) retract your teeth, it's hard and it hurts to do it for a long time but teeth will hurt dudes a lot so suck them in and away from their cocks. B) Hollow your cheeks, men like the tightness of a mouth and that's what really gets them going. C) BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE PLEASE DO NOT JUST STOP BREATHING AND TAKE YOUR TIME OKAY BLOWJOBS ARE ACC VERY FUCKING HARD AND FUCK YOU UP especially for someone like me who has a small mouth, yeah that shit sUCKS but nothing is more beautiful than seeing a man fold under your touch. D) Tease yo man a bit, kitten licks and kisses, dragging your tongue over his slit, maybe a pump and then take him out, slick him up with some saliva maybe, anything you feel like doing go ahead girl, that dick is yours for the time being and I promise he'll love it. E) Deep-throating is really when gets guys going cause they only acc feel shit at their tips, so please deep-throat with caution, and take your time if he's a big one, you can acc really hurt yourself especially if you're constantly deep-throating a really big one. F) Go to town girl, get up and bobbing, go down on him like he can't survive without you, go at your own pace and own it. G) Balls usually go neglected and I promise if you even fondle them or grab at them your man will combust.

3.5. Okay so with actual sex, FIRST OF ALL BE SAFE!!!! USE A FUCKING CONDOM, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE THEN DON'T FUCK BUT IF YOU'RE STILL HORNY THEN PLEASE RECIEVE SOME MONEY FROM YO MAN FOR PLAN B!!! IT'S NOT ENTIRELY FOOLPROOF THOUGH PLEASE REMEMBER THAT RISK. You can totally go on birth control too but this has its complications, there are also monthly shots you can take and other contraceptives.

3.6. Okay it's sexy times, this is just gonna have to be a thing for you. Everyone's different and has different comfort levels, maybe you can take someone that’s bigger while some women can't and that's fine. Just make sure when he does go in, you feel okay with it. It will hurt if you’re dry and not wet, like hurt a lOT but if you do feel loads of pain just let your partner know to go slower, and let yourself get used to the feeling of something inside. You can always say stop if it hurts too much, seriously it's normal and that's what I did with my first boyfriend. Hell I fucking kicked my ex off me LMAO and he was so sorry and we just ended everything there, and had actual sex the next time I visited him. From here on I've really got no lady tips, essentially it's up to you what you like and what you'll do, get it on!!!

General Tips:

4. Be you, and be confident. I know sex can be really daunting especially when you consider men usually tend to be more experienced, and maybe you become afraid you won't measure up or be as good as his previous partners or you’re not good at sex, but baby girl it ain't about that. This dude is going to have sex with you because he wants to have sex with you, and whether that's his dick speaking for him or his heart, it means he will not be thinking about some other  chick he got it on with a year ago, he will be thinking of you and your pretty mouth and what you're doing, focused on touching your body and thinking he loves the way it feels. The more confident you are, the better. You're sexy and pretty and you are desirable babes, let those noises he makes when you touch him drive your confidence, the way he groans a little when you do something, the way he's tugging your body close to yours cause he wants to feel you, it all means he wants you and that's hot, let it boost your lady ego my love. You're allowed to be shy, I totally understand that, and if your partner really cares about you then they'll easily take your hand and guide you through it. Let them know you're a little nervous, and they'll really try to make things more comfy and easier for you because sex is about both parties, not just one.

5. Orgasming is hard, but it's still achievable. Especially in an open, established relationship, really let your man know what turns you on. Let him feel at your cooch while he's penetrating you and I promise that can usually get you orgasming. Other than that, another huge case of doing what you need to do to get yourself off, and always let your partner know. If you’re really searching for an orgasm in a newer relationship or if you’re too shy to say something, then literally just take your man’s hand and place him over your clit and start rubbing with him, he’ll get the hint and start doing it himself. 

6. Communication is key. This is obvious, but even if it's dirty talk, usually it's still a way to communicate and see if you're okay. You can ask to go slower, faster, softer, harder, stop altogether or entirely wreck your goddamn shit. Your partner should listen and if they don't, get the fuck out of there and leave that man, he don't fucking deserve you at all, especially in situations where you ask to stop or to slow down cause maybe something hurts, if he doesn't listen here then no, he don't deserve shit and LEAVE. Don't be afraid to make noise either or say something, dudes usually love hearing you. If you don’t like something please let your partner know, I’m sure they’re wondering if you do and would love to hear you communicating. 

7. Be clean after you're done woo-hoo-ing. Make sure you're tidy and stuff before putting clothes back on, sex can get messy especially if it's your first time you can bleed. Usually if the dude is a sweetheart enough they'll clean you, which is obviously aftercare uwu.

8. Pee after sex, UTI's are not fun. 

9. Your body may also feel weird or go through changes after you have sex for the first time, but that’s normal. Just you body’s response to feeling something foreign inside you. 

10. Ladies, remembering during sex that you have power, IT’S YOUR BODY!!!! Whether it’s because you’re totally domming or because your man is super duper sweet and will not do anything unless you want it, sex is meant to be fun and for both parties’ enjoyment. It’s not a chore nor is it something you HAVE to do to keep your man around or something, let yourself have fun girl, you deserve it. The flow of sex and any activities as such are usually dictated by you and what you want, so remember you don’t have to go through with something if you don’t want to. It shouldn’t matter if a dude really badly wants to get his dick wet, this is your body and you are to decide what happens to it. If a man makes you believe otherwise, FUCK THAT DUDE!!!! HE DON’T DESERVE YOU!!! YOU DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT AND TO BE CARED FOR AS A HUMAN BEING!!

[jungshookz]

Ohhh cee pd can't we have a drabble where yoongi is super shy to hold y/n's hand at first and he's just so nervous but eventually he does it and he's just like :)) I don't know which yoongi though...

pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: nonidol!au, a SICKENING amount of fluff, yoongi really likes u but u make him really nervous, you really like yoongi but he makes you really nervous, you two need to get it together   

→ wordcount: 2k

→ note: what a cutie patootie!!! also this gif!!! RADIATES boyfriend energy so i had to use it 

(gif isn’t mine!)

yoongi likes to think of himself as a relatively straightforward guy

if he wants something he just goes for it because life is short and he doesn’t have time to waste

he has people to see and places to go god damNIt 

but uh

for the first time in his life

he is quesTioning himself

all because of (1) y/n y/l/n 

maybe he’s not as cool and confident as he thinks he is

because this is his seventh date with you and he still hasn’t worked up the courage to just reach over and hold your hand

he can’t hold your hand

how ridiculous is that??

and!!!! get this!!!! he hasn’t even KISSED you yet

when he told the boys about it jungkook had the nerve to call him a pussy and yoongi would’ve beat his ass to the ground if it weren’t for the fact that it is completely true

he IS a pussy!!!!!!!! he breaks into a nervous sweat just THINKING about potentially intertwining his fingers with yours

and kissing you?????? that is a recipe for a HEART ATTACK

he’ll deal with the kissing later but for now it’s the hand holding problem

he just can’t understand what’s so difficult about it

what exactly is holding him back from performing this simple task???

he’s sure you won’t mind him holding your hand because you seem to really like him??

after all

you did give him a cheek kiss on your guys’ fourth date and yoongi literally could not go to bed that night because he was up all night grinning in the dark like a literal maniac

the next morning he even greeted the boys good morning which NEVEr happens and jimin was terrified when yoongi offered to whiP up breakfast for them

(“should we call the hospital?? maybe he hit his head last night??” “whO wants another waffle????” “hYung i’m SCARED” )

(maybe it’s just because he doesn’t want to mess things up with you and he doesn’t want you to think he’s moving too quickly because you’re going to end up getting freaked out by his eagerness)

something like that has happened to him in the past

he really liked this girl and tried to kiss her and she immediately got weirded out and was like yo.,.,,.. don’t get it twisted,..,., we’re JUST friends.,.,., and he was like YIKES OKAY SOUNDS GOOD SORRY

and since that horrific experience (it happened a long, long time ago but stiLL) he’s been very cautious when it comes to things of romantic nature

but this is the sevENTH date

five was pushing it but SEVEN is way too far

he had a nice time with you tonight!! so he’s hoping that tonighT he’ll finally do something

if not he’s going to find a way to kick his own ass

you guys went to watch a movie and yoongi was [this] close to pulling the ‘i’m going to pretend to yawn and stretch and then put my arm around you’ move but he couldn’t bring himself to do it because a) vERy ballsy and b) ew????? what a gross move

afterwards he took you to this dinky 24/7 breakfast place and you had chocolate chip pancakes for dinner which was amazing

yoongi is not really a chocolate chip pancake kind of guy but he accepted every single bite you offered to him just because on your fifth date when you offered him a bite of your food and he refused you pouted at him

and as cute as that was yoongi did not evEr want to disappoint you ever again

so yes

he will eat a million chocolate chip pancakes if that means you’ll be happy

at one point you managed to get whipped cream on your nose and that made his heart go baDump badump for some reason

and now he’s walking you back to your place

okay so

here is the deal

you really like yoongi

like you really reALLy like yoongi

you have to give props to jimin for introducing you to yoongi

anD you have to give props to jimin for forcing the two of you to go out on that first date even though the two of you expressed your doubts lol

at first you were a little intimidated just because yoongi seemed so.,.,., yoongi-ish

just the complete opposite of you

so quiet

and grouchy

and he seemed to mumble his words a lot

like all first dates it was a little awkward in the beginning because you didn’t know what to talk about and yoongi didn’t know what to talk about and you two kind of filled the air with small talk (“nice weather we’re having lately, hm?” “i hear it’s going to rain tomorrow.” “oh! …that’s too bad.”)

but after yoU knocked over a glass of water onto his lap in the midst of telling him a particularly wiLD story about you and your laundry machine, yoongi ended up telling you about the one time he poured hot soup on jungkook’s crotch in an attempt to reassure you that he was finE even though it did look like he fully pissed his pants

and that was kind of the ice breaker??

eventually you two warmed up to each other you realised that you two actually got along really well

so you went out on a second date

and then a third

and then a fourth

and eventually a fifth

everything about him makes u happy

from the way that he scrunches his nose when he’s thinking hard about something to the way that his liSp comes out from time to time when he’s speaking very passionately about something (his lisp is SO cute)

you’re just

you’re not sure if he feels that way about you

which is kind of a bummer

you mustered up every bit of courage you had to give him that kiss on the cheek and since then he hasn’t really reciprocated anything similar to that so you haven’t pushed it just in case he doesn’t feel that way

he hasn’t brought it up at all

but maybe it’s just because he’s being polite and doesn’t want to embarrass you

anyways

it’s all good

if he just wants to be friends you can deal with that!!

you’re happy as long as you get to spend time with yoongi

yoongi purses his lips in thought as he looks down in between the two of you

your hand is swinging back and forth and so is his

what if he just…

his hand brushes over yours ever so gently and he feels a little zAp

yoongi immEdiately pulls his hand back and stuffs it into the pocket of his jacket

noPE he’s not going to do it

thank god you didn’t seem to notice

you’re still blabbing about the nature documentary you’ve been watching on netflix

he really doesn’t understand your infatuation with nature documentaries because he thinks they’re the most boring things to watch in the entire world

but he’s pretty grateful for it at this moment because you seem to be distracting yourself by continuing to blurt out random factoids that you’ve learned

it’s oddly endearing

the way you’ll bring up one fact and then the first fact will remind you of anoTher fact so you move on to the next fact without finishing the first fact (take a shot every time the word fact appears) so yoongi will be like oh ur right it is cute that baby elephants suck on their trunks for comfort- wait rewINd a duck’s penis is shaped like a coRkscreW?????

he won’t lie

he thought you were kind of dorky at first anD he thought you guys would only go out on like two dates maX even though he thought you were super cute when you were introduced to him for the first time

but you continued to surprise him and he likes that about you

you’re just so unapologetically you and he really admires that

he just can’t quite seem to figure out why it’s you in particular who’s got him feeling this waY and who’s got him acting like a little WIMP

“and, get this - the fingerprints of a koala are so indistinguishable from humans that they have on occasion been confused at a crime scene.” you snort and shake your head before turning to glance at yoongi “can you imagine that????? putting a koala in handcuffs???” you titter and yoongi feels the corner of his lips twitch up in a fond smile “droP the eucalyptus leaves and put ur hands up where i can see em” you imitate a police officer and point a finger gun at yoongi and he snorts in response before playing along and raising his hands

a beat of silence goes by as the two of you continue your trek down the sidewalk

“what else did you learn?” yoongi nudges you with his elbow

you know what

he’s going to have to do it sooner or later

he just really reaLLY wants to hold your hand and he knows that if he overthinks it he’s going to freak himself out and continue putting it off

also

he doesn’t want jungkook to keep calling him a little BITCH

“mm… let me think…” you purse your lips in thought as the two of you approach the crossing light

yoongi smiles when he sees your eyes suddenly ligHT up with glee

“ah!!!! sea otters hold hands to keep from floating away from each other. isn’t that the cuTest???” you coo at the thought “one time at the zoo i-“

all of a sudden

yoongi reaches over and grasps your hand in his

his fingers intertwine with yours and he squeezes gently

something about this just feels right

your hand feels like it belongs in his  

hm

he could get used to this

your heart drops to your stomach when yoongi suddenly reaches down to grasp your hand and suddenly your brain short circuits

you swallow thickly

and then it hits you

he- he’s holding your hand

you guys are holding hands 

IT’S HAPPENING

NOBODY PANIC

ok

be cool

just continue talking

it’s not a big deal

you guys are just holding hands

.,,.,.friends don’t casually hold hands

but boyfriends and girlfriends hold hands

o god

okAY BE COOL yOU’RE FINE WE’RE GOOD 

you were saying something

something about the zoo

well

this is a good thing!!!!!!!

thank goD he made a move because you were starting to get worried that you were edging closer and closer to the friend zone

you have been there before and it is not the most pleasant of places

you can’t help but wonder if your hand is clammy or not

you really hope it isn’t

there’s no way to tell because your entire body has gone n u m b

you blink down at your guys’ hands one more time before looking up at yoongi

yoongi shrugs nonchalantly and raises your guys’ hands a little “so you won’t float away from me when we cross the street.”

you chew on the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from literally SCREAMIng

he is so cuTE :-(((((

he squeezes your hand again and you find yourself stepping a little closer to him

yoongi bites back a smile and watches as a car goes past

the light changes from red to green and he tugs you along

“you got another fact for me?” he turns to glance at you briefly and you hum lightly

“male penguins gift female penguins a smooth pebble to show affection”

“i guess i’m going to have to find you a pebble sometime soon, hm?”

(you and yoongi share your first kiss a mere ten minutes later so it’s safe to say that yoongi’s making good progress.)

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[love-is-not-a-choice-69]

Chapter III

Alex flopped onto the bed and lied face down on their pillow. One week had passed since classes had started, which meant one week had passed since Jessica and Brian had started hanging out with them.

Alex was tired. They were never hungry, and were always tired. And moving started to take up so much energy. They sighed and sat up, pulling their laptop closer. Once on, Alex pulled up a blank document to write an essay they needed to start.

Halfway through the introduction, they were interrupted by a Skype call. They answered when they noticed it was Kaden calling.

"You look like crap." Alex rolled their eyes. "Thanks for the bright compliment, Captain Obvious." Kaden rose an eyebrow at their snark remark. "What's wrong Al?" Alex shook their head. "I'm fine, Kay. I'm just tired." Kaden stared at them with a disbelieving look. "Ok. Fine, but tell me if something's wrong, ok?"

Alex nodded. "So what'sup, my little follower?" Kaden rolled his eyes. "I called to tell you that your mom calmed down. And she wants to talk." "After a week and a half? I don't think so. If I call her, she'd probably end up getting irritated. And if she doesn't, then I probably will. I'm not ready yet." Kaden nodded.

"Ok... So anyways. There's a new kid in my year. You would like him. He dyes his hair purple and all sorts of other colours and wears ripped jeans and wears sunglasses inside. He's actually pretty cool." Kaden looked down with a small smile, picking at something below the screen. "So what's the smile for?"

Kaden looked up at Alex's smirk. "Oh shut up. I just think he'd make a great friend," he said before pouting. Alex smiled. "Yeah. Ok, sure. How are the seniors holding up?" Kaden snorted. "They're wavering under the pressure. Everyone expects them to be super obnoxious and nice and commanding respect but it's kind of funny how much juniors can trod all over them."

Alex smiled widely. "Wonderful." Kaden nodded, face becoming serious gradually. "Alex. I know I've asked you this before but... How exactly did you know you were queer?" Alex smiled softly.

"There was something always on my mind, saying that I wasn't what I or society was saying I was. I didn't know what exactly it was, but then when I learnt about other genders and sexualities I started connecting the dots. So really, it's how you perceive yourself, along with what you know."

Kaden looked down at what he had been playing with. "So... What am I supposed to make of this?" He lifted up a post-it note that had small neat writing on it. "What does it say?" "It's an anonymous love letter. That wasn't very subtle." Alex looked at him confused.

"When he put it in my locker, Kaitlyn saw him and told me about it when it fell out." "Oh? New guy's got guts." "Yeah. I know," he said smiling widely. "So? How's it make you feel?" "I dunno. Fuzzy inside? I dunno. I've never been attracted to another guy before, so I'm not sure how to interpret this.

"It's different when I like a girl. That's for sure. So I can't tell if it's just an amplified friendship ray or an actual beacon of a crush. I guess I could just give it a bit of time? Get to know him better and know him as a friend first."

Alex smiled encouragingly. "That's a safe idea. The safest, in fact. So good luck with that. Also. I wanna meet this guy. Once you're friends bring him home and call me immediately." Kaden laughed and rolled his eyes. "Ok. Ok. Were you doing anything before I called?"

Alex startled. "I was doing an essay due two days from now. Ugh. How dare you. I gotta go. Bye." They hung up after the boy reciprocated the dismissal and got back to work, feeling just a little less tired.

***

"So his name's Kaden?"

Alex smiled at Jessica. "Yeah. He's been my best friend since I was 14. My mom made me babysit him. It was annoying, but then he grew on me. Now we're best friends and he's one of the only things I miss from home."

Brian rose an eyebrow and exchanged a look with Jessica. Alex sighed but then shook their head. "My parents and I kind of left on a sour note, so I'm not really missing out on much. I've escaped." The silence dragged on, and Alex was growing antsy.

They were all in Jessica's room, Brian was lying down on the bed, Jessica was sitting in the wheelie chair by the desk and Alex was sitting on the ground between them, with their back to the bed.

"So who do you guys consider your best friends?" Alex asked to fill the silence. Brian got a far away look in his eyes. "There was this girl that lived across the street from me. She was really closed off and she was homeschooled. We started talking three years ago, but she got into an accident so I haven't see her in a while."

"Oh wow. Deep. Way to lay it out there." Brian shrugged at Jessica's comment. "I'm an open book, Jess." Jessica rolled her eyes and looked to Alex. "I've considered Brian to be my best friend. Because I talk to him a lot. But I think the bestest friend spot goes to one of my older brothers, Jeremy. He's really quirky and I feel really close to him."

Alex and Brian smiled sweetly at Jessica and Alex sighed. "The stories behind your besties were so much more heart-felt than mine. Geez. How am I ever going to amount." Brian grinned and Jessica snorted. "Guess you should go back in time and become a person with a better back story. Maybe then you'll get on our level."

Alex rolled their eyes and nudged the wheelie chair around with their foot. Jessica laughed and twirled around.